Reclaiming Your Narrative

One moment, life is seamless and controlled; the next, an unthinkable event shatters everything. While my own "unthinkable" was being hit and run over by a car, the emotional dismantling that followed—the loss of control, the reliance on others, and the brutal confrontation with a new reality—shares a surprising kinship with other life-altering setbacks. Having lived through both the physical trauma of my accident and the professional trauma of a layoff, the insights from one definitely helped me navigate the emotional rollercoaster of the other.

The Shock of Professional Trauma

Less than six months after receiving Google's highest performance ranking, "Transformative Impact," my group was eliminated, and I was laid off. The irony of being celebrated for exceptional performance one moment and facing an unexpected exit the next is palpable. A layoff, especially one following high achievement, can deeply challenge your sense of self and shake the identity built around competence. This emotional blow is potent, and like questioning the reality of pain without broken bones, you might question the validity of your feelings because "it’s just a job." But the pain, trauma, and sense of loss are real.

Reframing: The Power of Perspective

The most profound lesson from my accident was the power of reframing. I chose to view the accident not as a moment of victimhood, but as a celebration of survival and resilience. This philosophy is crucial for navigating a layoff. A layoff is undeniably a setback, but it can be reframed as a pivotal moment to take inventory of your accomplishments, appreciate your best practices, and celebrate your ability to move forward. It’s not always easy, yet just believing this mental shift is possible is the first step, and it begins with radical self-kindness.

Radical Self-Kindness: Four Anchors for the Journey

After the accident, it was often hard for me to be kind to myself—to not judge myself as "less than" because my brain didn't work like it used to. Similarly, after a layoff, especially one that seems to contradict your performance, it's easy to fall into the trap of self-judgment, of feeling "less than." But remember, breaking doesn't mean you are broken. Your worth isn't tied to a job title or an employer, nor is it negated by a corporate decision.  So, how do we practice this kindness when facing the emotional toll of a layoff?

1. Acknowledge Your Cracks and Let People In: Like Kintsugi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold, we can choose to highlight our imperfections rather than hiding them. Sharing your journey is not complaining; it’s vulnerability, a different dimension of strength. Remember, these events don’t just happen to us. Your spouse, family, and friends may also be worried, and your openness can bring them comfort too. Plus, you might be surprised by how many others share their own pivotal moments of challenge with you in return.
2. Build an Inventory of Wins: In moments of professional upheaval, it's easy for self-doubt to creep in and overshadow your accomplishments. This is where creating a personal "highlight reel" becomes incredibly powerful. Just as I learned to celebrate every small step in my physical recovery—from being able to shower to zipping up a sweatshirt—you need to actively recognize your professional victories. Think back to those moments when you truly excelled, made a significant impact, solved a tough problem, or inspired your team. Being ranked in the top 4.5 percent globally at Google for "Transformative Impact" is a win that no layoff can erase. This isn't about ego; it's about grounding yourself in undeniable evidence of your capabilities and contributions. This inventory serves as a powerful reminder of your value, fuels your confidence, and provides concrete examples for your next steps. It helps you see that even when the external structure changes, your internal strength and accomplishments remain.
3. Reframe Your Narrative with Positive Energy: We always choose how we communicate, both to ourselves and others. Focus on what you can do, not what you’ve lost. My brain worked differently after the accident, so I had to focus on different skills. A layoff might mean a temporary shift in your professional focus, but perhaps it opens doors to new opportunities, allows you to connect with people in different ways, or enables more innovative thinking in a new context. Consciously employ positive and empowering language to cultivate resilience and guide yourself through uncertainty. This was a key takeaway from my accident that directly applied to the layoff.
4. Celebrate the Milestones: Recovery, whether from a personal trauma or a professional setback, doesn't happen overnight. It's a long road. Notice and celebrate every incremental win. The small steps—updating your resume, having a good networking conversation, even just getting out of bed on a tough day—deserve recognition. When you share the struggle, you can also share the wins, and this progress can be a proxy for the progress others in your family need to see as well.

Your Narrative, Your Choice

Finally, prioritize kindness to yourself intentionally. This isn't a luxury; it's a necessity. You can't "think your way out" of the emotional and sometimes physical responses to stress and trauma. Remember that "breaking doesn't mean you are broken." My life changed tremendously after the accident, and I had to accept that new reality, accepting myself even more than I might have before. The same grace applies now. Embrace your inherent strength, knowing that by demonstrating vulnerability, you also remind yourself and others that true strength lies not in a flawless façade, but in the courage to be imperfect, to be open, and to allow yourself to be supported. 

You control your narrative. You get to choose if these moments break you or if they are just cracks in your own fabulous and transformative journey. 

I chose to commemorate my final week at Google with a Lotus tattoo—a flower reborn through the mud—a powerful reminder that tough moments can be the fertile ground that fuels a resilient and magnificent journey.